There is a never-ending debate among cinephiles regarding the kinds of movies that are ideal for remakes. Sections of movie lovers argue that remaking average or bad movies is a better idea than remaking critically acclaimed ones. This is because directors will only worry about areas to improve on, rather than how to match the original. However, today, filmmakers and studios still feel compelled to retool classics, hoping that the previous success will be replicated. Sadly, things don’t always work out that way.
The ‘80s is one of the decades that has had its classics picked apart and repackaged, and the results haven’t always been pleasant. The reasons for the poor end products vary. Some of the remakes simply failed to work because the current director wasn’t as visionary as the original one. Others got the casting all wrong, while others attempted to tweak the elements too much to fit the modern times. Whatever the reasons, many fans silently wish for an alternate universe where the following remakes of ‘80s had never been made.
9A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
Bringing one ofthe greatest slasher villainsback might have been too strong a temptation to resist, so fans can forgive New Line Cinema for remakingA Nightmare on Elm Street.This time, it’s stated that Freddy was a child serial killer who was burned to death by angry parents many years ago.
He has now come back from the dead, eager to get his vengeance on the children of the adults who punished him. The potential victims do their best to stay awake, because Freddy murders people in their sleep, but it all proves to be a Herculean task.
Freddy’s Same Old Excursions
No one is supposed to shut their eyelids in Freddy’s world, but audiences might find themselves snoring, simply because they’ve seen it all before. No effort is made to offer anything new. It’s the same old Freddy, with the same old kills, wearing the same red and green sweater. The familiarity might have been acceptable if Robert Englund had reprised the iconic role.
Sadly, Jackie Earle Haley does the crimes this time, and like many actors who have been cast in remakes, he struggles to outperform his predecessor. PerhapsA Nightmare on Elm Street2010 would also have been a better film if an experienced filmmaker had made it… and if it had not been produced by a man who critics love to hate (Michael Bay). Director Samuel Bayer had only worked on music videos before being hired for this project. Unsurprisingly, he never made another film.Stream on Netflix.
A Nightmare on Elm Street
8RoboCop (2014)
MGM’s version ofRoboCopfollows the same narrative format as the ‘80s classic, only with a few different subplots. Like the original, the remake is set in the near future, where a multinational conglomerate has figured out a way to create cyborg police officers. Detroit cop, Alex Murphy (Joel Kinnaman) is chosen to be the face of this project, but because of his unwillingness to cooperate, things don’t go as planned for the men in suits.
There Is a Problem with the Armor
Despite having a better cast that includes Gary Oldman, Samuel L. Jackson, and Michael Keaton, theRoboCopreboot has multiple flaws. The first notable blemish is the costume design. Red and black just don’t suit RoboCop like black and grey did. Furthermore, the new armor has no distinctive contours, hence it looks just like that of many other CGI characters in modern cinema.
Besides that, the newer movie has no equivalents for the original’s iconic scenes like the “Don’t touch me, man!” moment where a baddie screams at his unfortunate counterpart who has just morphed into a zombie-like being after coming into contact with toxic waste. José Padilha sure is a brilliant director, but he ruins things here by focusing too much on his trademark action sequences rather than quality storytelling.Stream on Max.
7Red Dawn (2012)
In the real world, North Korea would have a pretty hard time conquering the United States, even if it put all its resources into it, but in director Dan Bradley’s version ofRed Dawn, it happens rather easily. This is because the U.S. has sent most of its troops abroad, leaving the mainland.
The NATO alliance has also been weakened because of international tensions, meaning America has fewer countries willing to dance to its tune. Thankfully, all isn’t lost. A group of resistance fighters led by the marine, Jed (Chris Hemsworth) team up to take on the North Korean forces.
Unrealistic Plot and Skewed Political Commentary
Bradley’sRed Dawnultimately fails to impress because of its politics. The original was a product of its time, as it revolved around a Soviet attack as the Cold War was happening. The invasion was also more realistic. Communist forces took over Mexico first, creating an open route from which the Soviets could use.
Regrettably, the remake relies on total fantasy. While a North Korean attack might make sense, given the political tensions, the Asian nation lacks the international support needed to invade America. More so, America had different foreign policy headaches when the movie was released, hence it all felt like a missed opportunity to touch on trending events.Stream on Prime Video.
RELATED:15 Action Movies from the 1980s People Say Are Bad (But Are Actually Good)
6Arthur (2011)
OutsideForgetting Sarah Marshall, Russel Brand has struggled to find another Hollywood hit. The remake ofArthurseemed like a perfect vehicle for him, as he was also required to play a man in a romantic quagmire. This time, Brand was Arthur Bach, an immature man whose mother forced him to settle with a woman of her choosing or else he wouldn’t get the $950 million inheritance. All was well until Arthur met and fell in love with a woman he liked more. The struggle to end the current engagement thus began.
Fewer Gags and a Less Likable Protagonist
1981’sArthur was a comedy masterpiece packed with endless gags. Most importantly, Dudley Moore’s version of Arthur was very likable. He simply came off as a conflicted man. Brand’s Arthur, on the other hand, is obnoxious and egocentric, making it harder for audiences to sympathize with him. Proof of how different the performances and characterizations were, lies in the accolades.
While Dudley Moore was nominated for a Best Actor Oscar, Brand was nominated for Worst Actor Razzie. During an interview withMetro, Brand would confess that taking on the role of Arthur Bach was one of the “biggest mistakes of my life.”Rent on Apple TV.
5Total Recall (2012)
It’s a shame thatPaul Verheoven’s hitskeep getting remade, and none of the fresh offerings is ever tasty.Total Recallis another of the director’s films that was restructured and re-released, but most fans would love to forget it exists. In it, factory worker Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell) is disgruntled with life as a factory worker.
He is also sad about his futuristic world, which has been destroyed by chemical warfare. When he learns about a program that involves artificial memories being implanted in people’s brains, he signs up for it as a way to evade his state of melancholy, but things go wrong.
A Big Schwarzenegger Void
As good an actor as Farrell is, he struggles to replicate the magic created by Schwarzenegger in the original. The latter channeled his character’s desperation and franticness better because he had already starred in a few movies that had the same level of urgency. Funny enough, the iconic action star was quite thrilled by the remake’s poor performance.
In an interview withGQ, he said, “Someone tried to do a remake ofTotal Recall. How stupid is that? Jesus!” Well, ‘stupid’ is a harsh word. Unnecessary is more like it. Acting aside, the plot isn’t laudable either. Verhoeven’s film has a dense tale stretching from Earth to Mars, while the remake is just another corporate saga in just another version of dystopian Earth.Stream on Netflix.
4Fame (2009)
Fameis a light remake of the 1980 hit movie of the same name. The events revolved around members of the prestigious institution known as The High School of Performing Arts in New York City. Here, students are specifically trained on how to make it in the entertainment industry. To ensure the story flows smoothly, the film is structured into four parts: auditions, freshman year, sophomore year, junior year, senior year, and graduation.
The Music Doesn’t Hit the Same Way
The remake fails by not being as meticulous with the musical performances as the original. The ‘80s hit was such an extravaganza that it received two Oscar nominations for Best Original Song and Best Original Score. It also received a Golden Globe Award for Best Original Song. The reimagining, on the other hand, was panned from all corners.
Still, this doesn’t make it unwatchable. It still capturesthe basics of the average teen musical drama. Audiences who don’t care much about the songs will still find the plot fascinating. The performances aren’t bad, either.Stream on Max.
3Poltergeist (2015)
Movie lovers might still be baffled as to why anyone would choose to reforge a movie written by the great Steven Spielberg. Well, that person was Sam Raimi (serving as producer), who has a great traffic record with horror movies, so fans crossed their fingers when a newPoltergeistmovie was announced. Unfortunately, the outcome wasn’t great.
Like the original, the remake follows a family as it deals with paranormal occurrences after moving to a new home. Things become more complicated for the couple when their daughter goes missing.
Too Many Jump Scares… and None Are Unsettling
Among all the methods Raimi and director Gil Kenan thought could be used to top the ‘80s blockbuster, the two settled on excessive jump scares. Raimi is known for using this technique particularly well, but it gets abused this time around. There aretoo many jump scaresand none of them ever comes off as frightening.
Part of that has to do with the fact that the set-up for every possible jump scare was revealed in the trailers. It’s, therefore, easy to predict when something bad is about to happen, This takes the fun out of it. On a positive note, the visuals are quite stunning.Rent on Apple TV.
2Clash of the Titans (2010)
Sword-n-sandal films were popular during Hollywood’s golden age, and fans who loved them were glad to see them making a comeback in the late 2000s. It all started with300, and soon, offerings likeImmortalsandClash of the Titansfollowed. The latter — a remake of the ‘80s epic of the same name — follows Zeus’ son Perseus (Sam Worthington) as he attempts to stop Hades (Ralph Fiennes), the god of the underworld, from toppling the ruler of all gods and destroying Earth.
Visually Better… but an Inferior Narrative
By today’s standards, the original film’s stop-motion visual effects are dated. The remake thus outdid it by relying on neatly crafted CGI. Sadly, that’s where the praise ends. Everything else, including the plot, the characterization, the action sequences, and the dialogue are generic. The movie received two Razzie nominations, but this didn’t stop the studio from milking it more.
After all, the box office figures were decent. A sequel titledWrath of the Titanswas made, but it was far worse, hence the franchise was buried like the multiple warriors killed in its storylines.Rent on Apple TV.
RELATED:20 Classic ’80s Movies That Still Hold Up
1The Fog (2005)
John Carpenter had a wonderful run in the ‘80s, churning out films likeHalloween II, Escape from New York, The Thing,andThey Live.The Fogwas the film that kick-started this great turn of form for the filmmaker, and given how good it was, many thought it would never be remade. Well, a newer version of the movie — focussing on the vengeful ghosts of sailors shipwrecked 134 years ago — popped up in 2005. Regrettably, it didn’t leave a lasting impact.
Great For Family Viewing
The Fogis the kind of movie that is great for family viewing, and that’s bad for a horror flick. Great productions in the genre ought to leave audiences with nightmares, but this is all standard fair and the PG-13 rating is to blame.
So poor is the quality that the remake received two undesirable trophies: The Fangoria Chainsaw Awards award for Worst Film, and the Stinkers Bad Movie award for being the Least Scary Horror Movie. A few more things could have been done differently, such as the lighting and the character development, but the best thing would have been just to leave the original alone.Stream on Hulu.
